My return to academic writing feels like a mess when balancing thesis clarity with strict style guide requirements?

It is completely normal to feel like your brain is being pulled in two directions when you are trying to juggle a complex argument with the rigid demands of a style guide. Think of it like learning to drive a manual transmission car again; at first, you are so focused on the clutch and the gear shift that you forget to actually look at the road, but eventually, those mechanics become second nature and you can focus on the scenery again. Right now, you are putting too much pressure on yourself to be perfect on the first draft. When you try to polish your grammar and citation placement while you are still building your thesis, you are essentially trying to paint a house while you are still hammering the frame together. My best advice is to separate your writing process into two distinct phases. For your first draft, just get your ideas out on the page and ignore the style guide entirely, even if it feels messy. Once your argument is solid and flows logically, then you can go back and treat the formatting like a final coat of paint. It is much easier to fix a citation error than it is to fix a weak argument, so give yourself permission to write a "bad" first draft that focuses only on your voice. You have a wealth of life experience that younger students lack, and once you stop letting the manual dictate your creativity, that perspective is going to make your papers stand out. You have already done the hard part by showing up and diving back in, so just take it one step at a time and trust that your writing rhythm will return sooner than you think.